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Faith and other Shit

(was going to remove, but this is where the freewrite started, gets going in para2).

I think my books are real pretty. There is so much there–the colors, the shapes, the physicality, and geometricity of them the letters, the words, the fragments of ideas thrown so haphazzardly at one another–and the words that stand out–how they get ahold–a block border, glint text, BOLD FREEDOM in jagged letters splattered, no, just near something red ,, blood red, but not splattered.

 

How do you remove violence from your mind. Does anyone have anything to say about this?


Jesus: “Buy a sword…” And you run into a road block right there–it’s not a major roadblock, the rabbit hole can be filled–somewhat–by the notion of Jesus being overwhelmed by his humanity in the moments leading up to his crucifixtion–an okay typo if you can’t accept the single pole like the JW’s do. But the problem with that is when you go there, to his humanity–and in this argument absolute humanity, the limits of human suffering and existence  at least symbolically–is that his divinity comes under fire. And when that goes, the entire structure that keeps things literal is on its ass. And I’m logically ok with the “cult” sects, and then the cults, and non-religious texts, irreligious texts, and then entirely different religions, though you still hold up caveats in the mind, they are much much smaller. And when all that’s happening in your mind, it kills your willingness to go and sit and hear about the literal translations of the bible, with the implicit 6000 year old earth. No thank you. But there’s also no place for you to go where you won’t be outside of the truth, even if you leave the literalists, where do you go? A mainline denomination with 400 year old rituals and non literalist beliefs? Those are as harshly awkward to the rock n’ roll evangelicalism that I’ve been exposed to for most of my life as literalists beliefs, just in a different way. And shit, you’d do it if it just wasn’t so god damned ridiculous.

 

Crucifixin’: a dance move. moving your head side-to-side, and dipping your shoulder in a circular motion to bob your golden crucifix around

 

Are you sure this isn’t mania? A question about my meds actually working.

 

–Vocabulary lists magic cards–or pokemon, or yugioh or whatever. The fantasy stuff i knew, but a lot of the words, perhaps because of the genre, I dismissed my lack of knowledge on the fantastical, but even like bogle, I didn’t know a bogle until recently, and I’ve met a lot of bogles prior to gaining the vocabulary.

Vocabulary lists based on CCG games–this could be an ongoing article type in addition–either in the market or as an article type for a community game league/resource–etc or something.

 

Man, my mind is slow. I thought I had something to add… Unfortunate! My muscle memory is good, though. It’s pretty good. ?? nah. Many errors unless I am really focused. And even then it changes the way that I feel with the page, and KKesus I’m rocking with anxiety, and sometimes  (The ideas are less disjointed nowXXXXXXXXXXthe disjointed thing isn’t all bad–you produce way more starts, and you get the wonderful experience of a completely bizarre meaning by comparing it to something so categorically different.

Grandparents: We were sounding out digraphs? To determine what sounds they made, and (i think) how to pronounce and spell a word. My grandfather said that

 

Lol–extension of the idea of the cameras everywhere–recording someone else’s parents memories without being asked and selling it back to them.

 

Sometimes I feel dumb, like when I think about apostrophes. Lol Henny Youngman from a writing teacher–my next 99 joke goal.

 

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